We keep hearing this from people:
”Dating apps are a joke”
“Dating sites are full of scammers”
…or words to that effect.
Perhaps, but remember, dating sites and apps represent a slice of life and reflect our society. For sure, there are scammers lurking on dating apps, being an ideal Petri dish environment. However, when you think about it, there are plenty of scammers everywhere: on the other end of the phone or even in real life knocking on your door.
Secondly, you may think dating sites are full of “weirdos”, but we dare say the world in general is full of people you find weird, and only a handful of people you find worthy of your time and commitment. How many partners have you had on your journey and how many good friends? The numbers will vary depending on personality, however even if you go into dozens and possibly hundreds, that’s still a tiny fraction of everyone you’ve met on your life journey.
The truth is, we only feel comfortable and compatible with a relatively small group of people, so no wonder we are left unimpressed with the majority. Dating is no different: be realistic and accept the fact that the majority of potential matches will be unsuitable for you. Have you read our previous blog about the illusion of abundance? There you go: you are looking for a gem…
…Like any other database, introduction sites come in a multitude of shapes, sizes and most importantly, quality. It’s fairly obvious that a free one will attract all sorts of folk; and if there’s no requirement to complete a qualifying questionnaire, upload photos or fill out the profile details properly, then naturally, the overall quality of matches will be rather poor.
These days online matchmaking has been perfected to the point you can get a brief psychological assessment as part of it and will only be matched with someone compatible, which saves a lot of time. Of course, this comes at a price.
If you’re looking for a serious relationship, you need to forget free platforms and choose one or two highly rated paid members-only sites, like Elite Singles, for example. Don’t be afraid to sign up for at least 6 or even 12 months as it reduces your monthly fee: you may be fortunate to meet the love of your life straight away, but most commonly, it’s going to take time (and it takes much longer to get to know them properly even if you do like the “cover version”)…
…We can certify there are genuine decent people out there, ready to love, share and commit. We met on an upmarket dating site as did some of our friends, now settled down and living together. You’ll have to take a leap of faith at some point, but you’d be taking that risk in any other scenario: whether you were introduced to someone by your cousin or met at work or on a walk or at a yoga club etc.
To sum up, don’t despair and blame the apps; what you do need is the ability to identify people who don’t have good intentions and the ones who do. As such, it doesn’t really matter whether you’re dating online or offline: a dating site is just a vehicle for you to meet someone, the rest is still up to you...
…Some people say they choose to meet “the old-fashioned” way: ok, they might chat to a stranger in a bar, but is it that different from striking up a conversation with a stranger online? You know nothing about them either way. If anything, you always have an option to block a person online and move on if you’re offended by something they said. Try doing that in real life, especially if you work together or live a few doors down!
In conclusion, the introduction process has changed, not the process of assessing someone for compatibility, their ability to commit and building a relationship — this is still the same. Which is where many people run into problems, and it has nothing to do with the way you were introduced. Check out our 1:1 relationship and dating coaching page for help or see the "DIY" video course.
Thank you for reading!
Mila & Jeremy x