To all well-educated highflyers and high achievers out there… Why are we often so unhappy in love / relationships? Have we been ignoring the collective knowledge and understanding of what a good life partner might be and turning a deaf ear to our parents’ advice?
Have we been seduced by someone’s clever lines or “misunderstood” types, often dedicating our lives to polishing a turd (excuse the vulgarity but can’t think of a better expression)? Perhaps, we thought we were sufficiently focused and intelligent to turn things around and mould our partners into what we wanted them to be?
All of the above, and more! Based on our observations and experience in this area, it is truly remarkable how many otherwise brilliant, sharp and astute men and women successfully manage lots of areas of their lives, yet keep going round in circles in the dark when it comes to love, dating, choosing a potential partner or even a potential parent for their potential children.
What are the secrets of happy couples / relationships? Some people just happen to have a built-in radar and intuitive understanding of what to look for in a partner. Quite often this goes hand in hand with realistic expectations and a relaxed attachment style.
We used to think we were unlucky because we kept bumping into the wrong people (unsuitable for us, as discovered on closer inspection). However, thinking back, it had nothing to do with luck and everything to do with our choices. We were rather misguided and wouldn’t recognise happiness if it hit us in the face.
As it turns out, you do need to involve your intelligence — not any kind though — emotional intelligence, which is a combination of listening to your head and to your heart at the same time, to quote a popular cliché. Of course, we all now know that your heart technically has very little to say on this matter, so what we refer to when we say that would be our hormones. Not very intelligent, is it, especially when you are committing to a lifetime together?
Here is another reason: intelligent and successful people are often well-educated conscientious people with good ethics and manners, therefore they care about their reputation and hate to think someone would label them selfish, uncaring, greedy or callous (the list goes on). This is a slippery slope if you fall in with a manipulator or a narcissist because they will exploit this trait of yours and take advantage of you. Unknowingly, you become trapped in a pattern being accused of 'this or that' if you don’t give them exactly what they want, constantly seeking their approval and proving that you are not 'this or that'.
What’s also curious, physically attractive people often end up unhappy and live turbulent love lives. You’d think, the world is their oyster and surely, they can pick anyone they want! That is true to a degree, science confirms: due to the beauty bias, beautiful people are perceived as more privileged, intelligent, competent, and generally better people regardless of what they are really like. As a result, beautiful people get a lot of attention, often get used to it and either develop unrealistic expectations or succumb to unwanted advances from someone persistent but completely unsuitable for them.
We’re not advocating a dry calculated approach to dating; everyone needs at least some excitement and “butterflies” to keep a relationship alive, however you’re not going to get very far on those “butterflies” alone. The best dating tip we can give: engage your intelligence and wit before the hormones get the better of you and ruin your life (and quite possibly, mess up your children’s lives too).
We had to learn the hard way and having paid the price for previous mistakes, managed to break the negative cycle and stop chasing shadows. It seems so obvious and crystal clear now that, following positive feedback, we decided to share our approach with the world and developed a powerful tool to help you attract the right person… and listen to this: not just attract but also keep them and progress to a stable healthy relationship.
There is a lot of often conflicting dating / relationship advice out there, but you can be confident in our proven methods which are research and science based; therefore, they work no matter how badly you were hurt in the past or how many failed relationships you have experienced.
To access the From Single to Couple online dating advice and coaching course, the only UK-based course designed by a married couple, please CLICK HERE.
For personalised one-on-one dating and relationship coaching, please contact Mila at mila@single-to-couple.com or book a FREE 30-min introductory call HERE.
Imagine the advantage you will have with this inside knowledge, being ahead of the game and enjoying your success!
With love,
Mila & Jeremy x