If you happen to be in the process of healing following a breakup or a divorce, doubtless you’re experiencing a whole mixture of emotions ranging from anger to sadness and the feeling of loss of someone you once loved...
This also applies if you have the misfortune of suffering unrequited love: an imaginary relationship, so to say, but the one which can feel very real and raw none the less.
We all carry some emotional baggage from the past, however, if your baggage is currently weighing you down and getting in the way of your happiness, it’s important to unpack the emotions connected to the past in order to move forward. Do it for your sake (and your children's, if you have them) to avoid being trapped in a cycle of negativity which is detrimental to your (and their) health and wellbeing.
There is a lot of - often conflicting - dating and relationship advice out there, for example: “You need to get out there and start dating people as soon as possible to get over your ex”. Let’s focus on logical science-based approach and methods known to work.
There is no prescribed amount of time you need to wait before you start dating; it varies depending on your circumstances: you could be emotionally over someone while still being in a relationship living under the same roof, in which case, you are likely to be ready to start a new adventure.
On the contrary, you could be long separated and still pining for your ex or seething with anger. In this case, it can potentially take some time to unpick that combination of emotions and ensure you find yourself in a position where your relationship scars are there solely as a past memory rather than your painful reality.
This can be tricky especially when you had your fingers burned in the past. If your first reaction is: “All men/women are liars”, then you certainly have a little bit of work to do. Remember, negativity attracts negativity and is likely to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. On the other hand, a positive outlook will do wonders for your love life!
We’d like to share a relatively simple tip to help you make a start and stop dragging yourself down…
…Go back to the onset of your past relationship and admit you were the person who got yourself into that situation/relationship in the first place. Most of the time the overwhelming truth is: your own choices led you to where you are. Yes, sometimes we are misled, sometimes we only hear what we want to hear, but ultimately, we are the ones who let other people into our lives.
After all, this is your life and it is your responsibility to choose who is allowed to get close to you. When you go to a supermarket and pick up a bright shiny box off the shelf, you can either consume the content no questions asked, or you can read the label and find out if the ingredients are good for your health. Buyer beware!
Sounds a bit harsh, but you’ll find it difficult to make better decisions until or unless you accept at least partial responsibility for your predicament. This acceptance is very liberating and will save you weeks or months of “stewing”. Yes, you made some mistakes: s**t happens… Now time to forgive yourself and move on.
If you are still struggling, the best thing to do is to turn to a dating and relationship coach for a personalized approach and helpful step-by-step guidance. This will include examining your past relationship patterns, a critical look at your most recent relationship looking for unhealthy signs, and a selection of proven methods to help you detach from your ex, move forward and find your perfect partner.
Do you really want to do it right this time around?
Good luck!
Mila & Jeremy x