With Christmas fast approaching, most people in traditional employment are anticipating at least a week (or more) of holiday when they are going to be cooped up with their partners and families away from work.
No doubt, some of you cannot wait, but those “married to their job” know deep down they will be like a fish out of water.
If you are single, my advice is to read this anyway as you will discover important cues to consider during your search for a life partner.
People can have very different approaches towards work and a career, which often causes tension in a relationship. If you are passionate about your career and take pride in your work, whilst your partner simply sees it as a means to an end, clashes are certainly expected. Click here for our love, dating and relationship A-Z Guide: look under C - "Compatibility".
Do you find it challenging or next to impossible to understand each other’s perspectives? How many times have you had an argument whenever you had to finish an important project at the expense of a family event or take a call from a customer outside business hours?
This is hardly surprising because your beliefs about work and career fall into the major values category along with beliefs about family, money, spirituality and so on. Just like you are unlikely to succeed at converting an atheist to a religion, you will struggle to get through to a partner who does not share your fervour and dedication to work.
Conversely, if your career is low-key, whilst a family or a relationship always take priority, you just can’t help thinking how misguided your workaholic partner must be. No matter how much you value your partner, such disagreements are inevitably eating away at the relationship.
Uncover 3 top tips to help you balance your career and relationship:
1. Put the problem on the table...
...and voice your concerns; not in an accusatory manner, but rather inviting a discussion: “Looks like we have different expectations – what can we do?”
Don’t necessarily expect to convince and transform them: prepare to admit and accept your differences, which is the first step towards compromise.
It would be beneficial to have a brainstorming session and consider various solutions, so both parties feel heard and appreciated. Harbouring your dissatisfaction and sulking is a dangerous path leading to contempt and a potential breakup.
2. Plan downtime...
These days, we are all significantly more aware of the consequences of continuous stress and the need to prioritise mental health. We accept that taking regular breaks and resting properly, without work interruptions, actually enables us to do more and better quality work. Your partner will also appreciate it.
Pick a few dates and time slots and block them in your calendar, so that no one can send you a meeting invite, and stick to those. Discuss with your partner to see if there is time for an activity, a lunch out or just some downtime together. Click here for our love, dating and relationship A-Z Guide: look under Q - "Quality Time".
3. Set expectations at work...
In fact, set your own expectations first. Identify your most frustrating habit or routine, be it reading and responding to work emails late at night, taking on unplanned overtime or answering customers’ calls on holiday. Make a promise to yourself to do everything in your power to minimise, and eventually eliminate that habit altogether.
If you already have a reputation as someone who answers the phone anytime and never says no, then share your intentions with your customers, colleagues and superiors. 99% will understand and take it on the chin if you explain your work-life balance is becoming unhealthy and causing ripples in your personal life. As always, you need to stick to your guns and persevere until it becomes your second nature.
These suggestions also apply to life partners equally dedicated to their careers. Whilst you recognise and respect each other’s commitments, you may be facing unique challenges as you are both stretched so thin and struggle to balance your career and relationship. As long as you keep communication open and both make a conscious effort to maintain a healthy balance, what little time you have together could be fun, rewarding and precious.
Finally, if you’re not in a relationship yet, this is a perfect time to think about the status of work and career on your scale of values. Keep this in mind when looking for a long-term partner because similarity in attitudes (towards work, in particular) is one of the key factors in a future relationship health. However, don't forget about the pitfalls of dating someone at work: click here to read more about the highs and lows of office romance.
I hope these scenarios and examples help you identify your own beliefs, so you can share them with your potential partner. However, please bear in mind that such beliefs may evolve over time, especially if you experience a life-changing event. Therefore, your values from ten years ago may not necessarily apply today, so avoid self-sabotage by your outdated views – keep checking in with yourself...
Best wishes,
Mila Smith
Founder of “From Single to Couple” Relationship & Dating Consultancy
Email: mila@single-to-couple.com
P.S. If you’re ready to take charge and transform your love life, get in touch, and let’s discuss! I offer a free confidential 30-minute introductory session - click here to book.