Are you giving up on love?
We know how you feel! At one point in the past, we were both disillusioned with the whole "love" and "romance" thing and were about to give up on finding The One... What's the point of being in a relationship if it just drags you down, and you are happier on your own? What many people don't realise is that a mediocre relationship (or staying in an unhappy romantic relationship) can actually make you physically unhealthier and cause greater physical wear and tear on the body, not to mention your poor mind and your self-esteem.
Positive relationships, on the other hand, contribute to good health - and your body will thank you for it! Believe it or not, love and intimacy can alleviate some illnesses, imporve your immune system, lower your blood pressure and strengthen your heart and respiratory system. Everything is just a little easier with a reliable partner by your side, and you feel more confident, which motivates you to take better care of yourself. Leading psychologists have shown, when you experience an extremely stressful situation, the mere touch of your loving partner can relieve your anxiety and pain. *
Unfortunately, most people don't think about what they need from a partner or a relationship until they are already in a relationship or a relationship has terminated. Some people don't think about it at all yet expect a "happy ever after" - no wonder the current divorce and rate is so high and marriage gets such a bad name. If your previous relationship or marriage was unhappy (or if you're in an unhappy relationship right now), that's all the more reason for your next relationship to be the right one and a healthy one!
If you read our story in "Where this all started" section on the main page, you’ll know that in the past, like many of you, we gave little or no thought to how relationships form. We would fall into them blindly only to discover they didn’t work. Inevitably, this ended in divorce or break-ups, disappointment and... back to the dating minefield.
As a result, you typically end up going online and find a multitude of possible matches on dating sites or apps, but soon realise this is an illusion of abundance as, on closer inspection it turns out most of them are completely unsuitable for you or unavailable. This can quickly become tedious regardless of your age and especially if you are juggling work, children and other priorities.
Terrible dates, unsuitable partners, consequentially feeling confused and a little sorry for yourself… Been there, done that. Between us, we’d made enough poor decisions in the past to produce a new long-running TV series.
Do you sometimes look at happy couples wondering why it’s not working out for you? It’s easy to blame the rest of the world and comfort yourself with the thought you’ve just been unlucky in love. However, are you willing to spend the rest of your life counting on divine intervention, simply waiting for your luck to change? Or, would you rather take matters into your own hands?
Not long before we met, we both independently realised the world was never going to change for us though we could change our approaches… We wish we’d had more support and guidance back when we were dating. For sure, there were times when we cried on friends’ shoulders, who were always supportive, but not always objective (let’s face it, friends will always take your side, so impartial advice can be hard to find). So, you could think of us as your friends, with your best interests at heart, but armed with objectivity and experience.
Over many years we analyzed our actions and those of others: mistakes and achievements alike and developed a unique step-by-step coaching programme. We want to help you avoid the mistakes we made, benefit from our combined experience and improve your chances of success. Why is it unique? Unlike any other coaching program on the subject, it offers both male and female perspectives at the same time and consists of a series of easy to follow, concise, fun videos.
We can certify, when you’re with the right person, being in a relationship no longer feels like pulling teeth or walking on eggshells, whatever obstacles life throws at you. But, to achieve this, it’s now time to review your approach.
You may ask “why?” People buy books on parenting, go on personal development courses, and pay career coaches to ensure success. However, dating usually isn’t taken quite as seriously, but think how important choosing a potential partner is. It’s up there along with other life changing decisions and will, obviously, impact your future. Think of this programme as a shortcut to happiness!
So, how do we achieve it? Before you build anything you must have a plan and lay appropriate foundations; looking for a partner is very similar. Don’t underestimate the importance of starting with a clean slate, so your judgement isn’t clouded. Otherwise, you may miss the opportunity to meet your special person, especially if you’re preoccupied with a questionable prospect or something which only exists in your imagination.
Maybe you’re infatuated with someone you know isn’t right for you or isn’t reciprocating. We know how difficult it can be to walk away from something you’ve invested in emotionally; you keep working at it hoping if you try a little harder, you’ll finally see the return on your investment, because it takes a lot of courage to admit to yourself you’re heading down a dead-end street.
Research shows, once someone’s made a decision, they continually justify it to themselves even though it can be detrimental to their self-esteem and wellbeing — we all hate admitting we might have been wrong. We can help you deal with your emotional baggage!
As you move to the next step, you may end up kissing a few frogs, which isn’t the end of the world. Embrace a lighthearted attitude and be patient because without a doubt, there’s someone amazing out there for you. We know this now and this program will help you find them whilst avoiding many pitfalls.
People often become fixated on having to find a partner to the point they’re missing out on many things and stop enjoying life, not to mention feeling the pressure to turn the next date into a relationship. If you happen to be stuck in that mode, instead, try a different angle and consider how lucky you are, as you have the opportunity to start with a clean slate and choose what’s right for you. Use this opportunity wisely!
Just because dating hasn’t paid off yet, don’t assume you’re wasting time; you learn something with every new encounter, and you can have fun along the way, whilst knowing there’s someone out there who’s right for you and it’s just a matter of time until you find them. Remember, every bad date just adds to your bank of amusing stories ….. we both have plenty of those and we’ll share some of the best with you in this program. Never downgrade from being single to being in a miserable, inadequate relationship, and ….. no more clutching at straws.
Falling for someone is easy; finding someone you want to spend the rest of your life with and feel happy and secure with, is a different story. You might think it’s just down to chance and you either get lucky or not… Not quite: it has very little to do with luck and everythign to do with your choices. We used to think it was all about chance but looking back at some choices we made in the past, we realised how misguided and reckless we were a lot of the time. We can see things a lot clearer now, and it’s remarkable how easy it is to take the wrong path.
Interestingly, other women would usually try to persuade me to lower expectations and compromise because, to quote one of my friends, “good guys don’t grow on trees” (“good” being a very loose interpretation). On the other hand, my male friends were convinced I shouldn’t sell myself short or settle for anything less than perfection.
There are psychological and social reasons for that and the way we see ourselves in this world. This is just one example of how dramatically men and women differ in thinking and approach. That’s why it takes a team of two...
Of course, as a woman, I understand what issues and challenges we encounter, and my husband can give you the male view of these issues, help explain what men are secretly thinking and what they need. On the other hand, as a man, he has empathy for men’s issues and concerns… And I can (hopefully) reassure the male population and reveal what’s actually important to women.
We can promise, by the end of this programme, men won’t seem such a mystery to women, and women won't be such an impossible puzzle for men.
Watch this space…
Mila x
*Studies conducted by Dr. Terri Orbuch, PhD, The Love Doctor, as reported in "Finding Love Again"