I’ve always seen myself as a true citizen of the world, not only thanks to extensive travel, but also the fact I’m open to most cultural experiences and not afraid of change. Over the past 30 years, I lived in four and worked in three different countries across three continents, which also included a few personal relationships.
In fact, coming from a multicultural family, I find cultural differences charming and curious as they usually offer an opportunity to learn something new. However, not everyone is the same, and many couples and co-workers experience tension, misunderstanding and conflict due to ethnic and/or cultural differences in relationships.
Admittedly, the pace of globalization has been increasing over the past few decades, leading to growing connections between people around the world. As of July 2024, out of the nearly 8 billion people in the world, 5.45 billion, or around 67% of the world’s population, have access to the internet, according to Statista. The vast majority of them are also social media users. Thanks to this constant flow of information, we’re better informed than ever before and more aware of different world cultures and events. At least, in theory…
The reality can be very different when you find yourself facing unexpected and unusual variations complicating your relationship. Let’s look at 7 strategies for understanding and embracing cultural diversity in romantic partnerships.
1. Relax your expectations
Long-term relationships are multi-layered and involve many moving parts, inside and outside factors. When you and your partner come from different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, from time to time, you’re likely to face added complexity leading to unnecessary tension.
Please understand, what comes 100% naturally to you, may be an alien concept to your other half, or vice versa. Something as simple as table manners or wearing shoes in the house can spark a major argument! Before you jump to conclusions, try to get to the bottom of the issue.
2. Improve communication
Regular open communication is especially important in multicultural relationships, whether they are new or established. It’s impossible to predict all scenarios, however, you can start with these key areas:
- relationship with parents and the rest of the family;
- bringing up children;
- relationship with money;
- education and attitude towards work/career etc.
Even people from the same or similar cultural backgrounds sometimes have different approaches. When you come from another cultural background, such differences are almost guaranteed. Once you have discussed them, you’ll at least know what to expect.
3. Be mindful of a language barrier
If you’re the one speaking your mother tongue while your partner is speaking a foreign language, no matter how fluent they are, there may come a time when some things are lost in translation. They quite possibly don’t recognise the nuances of certain words and phrases the same way you do. Or they may underestimate the strength of an expression or a word they used.
Take a deep breath before you get angry and criticise your partner. Instead, ask them to ensure they understand the meaning correctly. They probably didn’t mean to hurt you. Needless to say, mocking their accent or an odd mistake is poor form – unless they’re in on it, laughing with you.
On the other hand, if you’re using a foreign language, try to pay attention to your partner’s style: note on which occasions they use certain idioms and words. What they say when they’re serious and what they say when they’re joking around.
4. Keep an open mind
Our upbringing, culture and social circles all shape how we perceive and react to events and our partner’s behaviour. Studies show that race/ethnicity play a significant part in the way we handle daily interactions and conflict:
“For instance, most Mediterranean cultures consider heated arguments to be a typical (and expected) part of everyday life. But in many Asian cultures, conflict and disagreement are avoided – and highly discouraged – at all times. Even ethnic and racial differences play into conflict and relationships: in the United States, intense and animated arguments are seen as harmful or detrimental to the relationship by white Americans, but not by black Americans.” *
Understanding this makes it possible to explain certain behaviours without accusing anyone of wrongdoing. Of course, these differences don’t explain all the difficulties that arise in relationships. However, if you can identify and manage ethnic and cultural differences, you’ll be in a better position to confront real problems.
5. Don’t excuse poor behaviour by cultural differences
All the variations I’ve covered so far are relatively harmless, as long as you’re willing to compromise and keep an open mind. Toxic, manipulative or abusive behaviour cannot and should not be justified by cultural diversity. There are certain red flags identified by psychologists as classic predictors of relationship instability and, potentially, failure. To learn more, please read my other blogs: “5 Best Ways to Avoid Toxic Relationships” and “Red Flags to Watch for in a Potential Partner”.
6. Be respectful of local traditions
If you settle down in a foreign country (or what used to be a foreign country to you), don't forget humility. Here, in the United Kingdom, we’re fortunate enough to live in a predominantly tolerant and inclusive society open to various cultures. While anyone is welcome to practice whatever customs they want and express their cultural identity, as long as it's not against the law, local traditions should be treated with respect. I mean, you wouldn’t barge into someone’s home and dictate what they should or shouldn’t be doing!
Remember the reasons you decided to relocate to that country? I imagine this is because you liked the culture, the people and felt at home. You can accept many local traditions and enjoy being a real part of the society while staying true to yourself.
7. Be respectful of alternative cultures
As I mentioned, these days, the United Kingdom is one of the few places in the world where anyone can feel at home and enjoy acceptance. Mostly… There are still some people who look down on foreigners and make their opinion known. I’m not going to talk about racism and chauvinism as it’s a whole different level. However, even mild bias and arrogance can be rather annoying to an immigrant…
You can’t possibly expect someone from a different background to share the same memories and cultural experiences. Your German or Japanese partner is unlikely to start quizzing you on what was on trend in their home country 20 years back. So, don’t be surprised when they can’t appreciate what was on Top of the Pops in the 90’s or don’t recognise a quote from Only Fools and Horses. Avoid saying things like: "How can you not know {insert your refrence}?"
A multicultural relationship can really blossom with a little bit of tolerance, tacfulness and compromise on both sides! I do hope this guidance proves useful. However, if you’re finding it impossible to navigate cultural differences in relationships, I hate to say: it may not be for you. Stick to what you know...
Given my vast experience working with people from all walks of life and various cultural backgrounds, I always offer empathy, understanding and meaningful insights. As a Relationship & Dating Coach, I can help you stop making avoidable mistakes, uncover your best self and take charge of your love life.
Get in touch today or click here to book a free confidential 30-min introductory call.
Good luck!
Mila
Certified Relationship & Dating Coach
* Finding Love Again by Terri L. Orbuch, PhD