Whether you’re divorced, separated, out of a long-term relationship or never met the right person and remained single, it’s never too late to start dating!
In fact, many people find their 40s and 50s to be the happiest time in their lives. Yes, we might have a few more wrinkles and pick up gym injuries more easily. However, most of the time we’re at peace with who we are, confident, financially stable and armed with years, even decades of life experience.
So, where and how do you start? If most of your work colleagues are either married or not suitable for you, and there is no one available in your immediate circle, why not consider online dating?
I’m aware dating apps / sites have quite a bad reputation, so I wouldn’t be surprised if just the sound of online dating is filling you with dread. However, I’m certain it can work for you if you know what you’re doing... My husband and I are the living proof, along with millions of other happy couples.
Online dating for over 40s, 50s and 60s represents a great opportunity to meet new people on your terms: at your pace and convenience.
Anyone single juggling a career and a family knows how scarce their spare time is. Sometimes, you only have an hour or two to yourself once you’ve dealt with work, housework and the children (and if you’re a single parent, you know no matter how young or old they are, they always have a surprise in store for you)!
This is where dating apps and sites come in handy as you can start using them successfully from the comfort of your home, whenever you have a spare moment.
To save your time and emotions, use these proven online dating strategies for navigating dating in your 40s, 50s and beyond.
1. Identify your dating goals
Don’t rush into dating until you’ve worked out what is it you want to achieve. Simply meeting new people, mingling and “see where it goes”? Fine, nothing wrong with this goal: just be prepared to make it clear to others because you’ll be meeting people specifically looking for a life partner - avoid misleading them.
Are you looking for a long-term partner and a serious relationship? Potentially, moving in together and getting married? Or, perhaps, you had all that in the past and categorically can’t see yourself living with another partner, but still want an exclusive companion? Same as above, you need to identify and share your goals early on in order to filter out people who don’t share the same goal.
If you’re currently unsure, confused or struggling to verbalise your goals and needs, feel free to contact me for a personalised consultation!
2. Choose the right platform for you
Like any other database, introduction sites come in a multitude of shapes, sizes and most importantly, quality. It’s fairly obvious that a free platform will attract all sorts of folk. If there’s no requirement to complete a qualifying questionnaire, upload photos or fill out the profile details properly, then naturally, the overall quality of matches will be rather poor. Click here to read my other blog about online dating apps.
Currently, the most popular UK online dating apps / sites for serious relationships are: eharmony, EliteSingles and Match. These sites allow you to filter out most of your deal-breakers and set various partner preferences.
These two platforms focus on more mature demographics, specifically, over 50s: Silver Singles and Ourtime. I’m not a fan of the “silver” reference, which sounds a little demeaning, but if you’re willing to overlook it, then the quality of the site is pretty good. Plus everyone knows what to expect in terms of the age range.
Sign up for at least 3-6 months and consider it a small investment into your future happiness!
The notorious Tinder remains one of the most popular dating apps for casual relationships (and you can even find matches while travelling). …If you thrive in the fast-paced “swiping” environment.
You could research online dating sites focused on other criteria: based on religion, sober dating, single parents dating etc. They’re more niche but could be effective. Have a closer look at set-up, costs and reviews before making a decision.
3. Create an authentic online dating profile
First impressions do count, and this includes your online dating profile and photos...
Only use recent photos and avoid using filters and retouching. Seriously, there’s no point. If you edit your photo beyond recognition, you’ll only disappoint your date when you meet. The deceit will put them off no matter how wonderful you are in real life.
If you’re not happy with the way you look (be it hair, teeth, figure), focus on the root cause instead of changing your photos. Set realistic goals as no one is expecting you to look 25 at the age of 50. However, anyone can become more fit, find the best hairstyle and pick the most flattering clothes, all of which will boost your confidence big time.
Include at least one clear full body photo, a clear headshot - and smile! Get rid of any clutter: no laundry in the background and no bathroom pictures please. If possible, try to post photos of you participating in activities to show people what you’re into (walking your dog, golf, gardening etc).
Ideally, your profile should reflect who you are at this stage of your life: not just professionally, but also personally. Mention your interests, hobbies and unique aspects of your life instead of overused cliches, such as: “I’m a happy go lucky guy” or “I'm a glass-half-full kind of person”.
Don’t forget to mention your dating goals and what you’re looking (or couldn't abide) in a partner.
Your aim is to spark interest and appear approachable at the same time. Is this something you find tricky? Need help crafting a great profile? Click here to get in touch with me for a personalised session, and we'll work on your online dating strategies together!
4. Try to develop a “thicker skin”
If you’re new to online dating in your 40s, 50s and beyond, you may be feeling overwhelmed and many other things! Don’t worry, you’ll find an individual strategy which works for you. First, you must embrace a very light-hearted attitude. Dating is meant to be pleasant even if it doesn't yield the desired result right away.
If you encounter “weirdos”, rude or just plain unsuitable people, don’t waste your time and emotions – ignore them and move on. Life is full of people you find strange and weird, so it’s not limited to online dating. You just notice more of them because you’re looking around.
You might end up kissing a few frogs. So what? It’s not the end of the world! One day, you might even think you've met someone great, but end up being rejected or ghosted. At that stage, it’s not a big deal: rejection is an inevitable part of the journey, and you can’t please everyone. Every experience gets you closer to finding the right person.
Click here for my A-Z Love, Dating & Relationship Guide which has a wealth of information on the subject -> go to ‘Rejection’ and find out how to deal with it. If your fear of rejection is too strong, please get in touch with me for a personalised consultation.
5. Prioritise safety
I don’t want to get you unnecessarily worried because the vast majority of the online dating community are genuine, lovely people, like you, looking for love and connection. However, dating platforms can also be an ideal environment for scammers and crooks: no one knows each other, and everyone is a little lonely by default, as such, potentially vulnerable.
Safety should always be your priority:
Avoid sharing personal information, such as home address, until you get to know them well.
Disengage as soon as you get a request for any financial information or a “loan” (never happened to me, but there are some horror stories).
If you’re unsure, ask for a video call prior to meeting; these days anyone can easily do it on Zoom, WhatsApp or FaceTime.
Great if you know their full name: you could look them up on Facebook, LinkedIn etc just to make sure they’re real.
Always meet in a public place and keep the first date relatively short (1-2 hours). It helps if you have a valid excuse to leave in case it doesn’t go well. If it does go well, you both leave intrigued and “hungry” for more, which is the best possible outcome.
Click here to discover the red flags to look out for in a potential partner.
6. Keep an open mind
Try to step outside your comfort zone, which could be holding you back. I know, easier said than done! If you were married for a long time, now divorced and thrown into the treacherous waters of dating, you may be finding dating rather daunting.
There are various strategies to help you overcome your inhibitions and let go of emotional baggage. It’s completely natural to have triggers and preferences based on past experiences, however on closer inspection, these patterns (your “old ways”) aren’t doing you any favours.
Whilst your compatibility with a new partner, ideally, should be based on your dating goals and key life values, dating outside your usual circle and embracing new practices could be a great way for you to grow as an individual and build a healthy relationship.
Research shows that shared goals and values are the main predictors of a successful long-term relationship, and not your interests, hobbies or even cultural and demographic background. That's why you could benefit from exploring connections which may not fit your usual expectations.
Click here to read my other helpful blogs, including "What questions should I ask before committing to a partner" and " 7 early relationship mistakes to avoid".
Follow the online dating strategies above to ensure success...
Navigating online dating apps in your 40s, 50s and beyond is not as scary as it may first appear and can be rewarding if approached with the right mindset. Be patient and take one step at a time.
I had previously tried a few dating platforms before meeting The One at the age of 42. Would you like to know on which dating app I met my husband? Contact me to find out…
If you’re still struggling with online dating, why not try a personal matchmaker or offline dating events? They’re not just for young people and cater for various age groups.
Finally, don't be afraid to ask for help! No matter how competent you are, there comes a time when you can benefit from a qualified unbiased opinion of a dating and relationship expert.
Get in touch, and let's talk things through! Click here to book a free confidential 30-min introductory call.
Good luck,
Mila Smith
Certified Relationship & Dating Coach