Whether you’re a hopeless romantic or a pragmatist with your feet firmly on the ground, don’t ignore the “money issue” when you’re dating or embarking on a new relationship!
Most of us find money a tricky topic to discuss with a romantic partner. Astonishing as it is, in our culture, we can be as uncomfortable talking about money as we are talking about sex. In fact, I dare say, we’re becoming more and more relaxed talking about sexual desires and expectations, while the subject of money remains somewhat awkward...
Unfortunately, research identifies the lack of alignment on finances, usually leading to “money problems”, as one of the top reasons for conflict in a relationship along with loss of trust and other key issues.
“Love conquers all” is a wonderful cliché, but it would be a little reckless to count on it as a long-term strategy. Believe us, no matter how strong your feelings are, your relationship is always going to be under attack from various outside factors including work, family, responsibilities etc. You can never foresee all eventualities, but at least try to minimize the stress on your current or potential relationship by knocking the money issue on the head as soon as feasible.
So, what are the sure signs you’re financially compatible with your partner?
1. You recognize what money means to you and what it means to your partner.
Is money the main objective in your life or, are you driven by other values, and money is simply a means to exist? What about your partner? As the subject is more philosophical than personal in nature, there’s no harm in bringing it up early in a relationship.
Opposites may attract initially, when you find new facets of your partner’s personality fresh and exciting, however the novelty wears off relatively soon. Studies find people are more likely to get on with someone sharing similar values and objectives in the long run.
2. You’ve identified each other’s income level.
Although it may not be obvious straight away, the longer you see each other, the more apparent it becomes. Some people are quite open about what they earn or expect to earn, but if it hasn’t come up in a conversation for some time, you can lead by example and disclose your own level of income. Your partner is likely to reciprocate, however, be prepared to accept any answer gracefully, e.g. they’re not ready to discuss.
3. You’re comfortable with what you’ve identified.
As discussed above, most of us gravitate towards people like ourselves, which includes your income bracket with some variation. If you and your partner happen to be on the opposite ends of the scale, I suggest you consider a few theoretical scenarios to help you visualise your future.
For example, you’re used to flying business class and staying in 5-star hotels while your date’s idea of a holiday is camping or a B&B at best. Whenever you want to book a holiday, you’ll know they couldn’t afford your expected level of comfort; so if you want to go away together, you’ll be paying for the two of you. If the tables were turned, would you be able (and comfortable) to embrace your partner’s lifestyle and level of expenditure?
4. You’ve established your spending vs saving balance.
If saving money takes priority in your life, you’ll find it difficult to get on with someone who lives to spend, and vice versa. There’s no right or wrong – we’re all different in this respect, and we go through different phases in our lives. There are times when we deal with a major life event, like buying a property, a divorce or having a new baby, which forces us to tighten our belts. Thankfully, there are also times when we can afford to treat ourselves to a holiday or a new outfit etc.
Do you have a private pension, a savings account or an investment portfolio working towards your retirement? Do you know your partner’s position? Regular open communication is crucial to establishing your “spend-save” balance (and your compatibility), especially when you come from different backgrounds. Click here to discover 7 Tips for Successfully Navigating Cultural Differences in Relationships.
5. You’re on the same page regarding what each of you is prepared to invest in your life together.
Do you believe in sharing a bank account with your other half when you move in together, or would you prefer to keep your finances separate? Perhaps, one joint account to cover your regular outgoings plus separate accounts for your personal expenditure? Whichever you prefer, does your partner share your point of view? Encourage the conversation, if it hasn’t occurred naturally, and agree on what would be a fair contribution from each of you according to your circumstances.
Try to be tactful when broaching the subject of money just in case your date happens to be sensitive about it due to their upbringing or previous experiences. You never know!
Interesting thing about money - our experience demonstrates it’s more than just the pounds / euros /dollars in your bank account or the value of your house and pension. Money often turns out to be a litmus test for a relationship as people's attitude towards money drives many behaviours and affects the way they treat their partner and vice versa.
If in doubt, please check out my other blogs to help you find the best dating and relationship strategy. Click here to read “What Questions Should I Ask Before Committing to a Life Partner?"
Choosing a romantic partner at any stage of your life is one of the most important decisions you’ll ever make. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, especially, if you had your fingers burned in the past, take a deep breath and some time to reflect. It’s not that unusual to have trouble seeing your own situation objectively. That’s why it would be beneficial to seek independent qualified advice, which is not coming from your friends or family who can be biased…
Don't leave your happiness to chance, get in touch today or click here to book a free confidential 30-minute introductory call.
Good luck!
Mila Smith
Certified Relationship & Dating Coach